Would You Let Your Baby Cry?

Posted by Analyse at 10:04 AM

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Parenting style had always been a hot topic between Frenchguy and I. Too hot that we often raise voices each time we talk about it. The biggest culprit are none other than the differences in culture and education we received as individuals. Co-sleeping for example, though tolerated at home is not practiced in Frenchguy's family. And since they just can't just shrug their shoulders to such kind of idea, they would talk about the dangers of co-sleeping and how a child could develop a certain degree of dependence to their parents. Why the heck are they so afraid to be too close to their kids? When discussions are focused on such topic, I have this feeling that I need to defend my culture and tradition to the same people who already heard what I needed to say 3 years ago, when Louna was born.

Breastfeeding was half-heartedly accepted this time. No comments from MIL who had a word warning from Frenchguy during Louna's time. But in one of Kyla's fussy nights (pre-osteopath time), Frenchguy asked me if I was sure my breastfeeding was effective. That's a comment too much to an already worried and tired mom. He had his dose of my motherhood-induced katarayan in no time.

Since they know that I would accept but a little compromise in terms of motherhood, they would often accept shut their mouth and let me react according to what I feel and think is right. I'm the mother after all.

But crying is another problem. Frenchguy would often suggest to let Kyla cry. He's afraid I'm spoiling my daughter. But leaving a baby cry should depend on the moment. I wouldn't leave her cry when all she claims is to rock her to sleep, right? And I'm just doing the same as I did for Louna. And honestly, Louna was and is never a cry baby. She's even surprised to see kids cry or throw tantrums in malls or playgrounds. What I'm afraid in allowing babies cry too long is that they get used to it and use it to get what they want.

Hayy. It's during these moments when I want to send Frenchguy back to his mom. Buti na lang, my mom will be here end of December and will stay for 3 months. May kakampi na ako.


Christianne said...

For toddlers, sure I would let them cry, pag meron silang gusto na hindi maganda para sa kanila. But hugs and closeness don't fall into that category, even at nighttime when it's not convenient for us adults. And I definitely would not let an infant Kyla's age cry it out, crying is her only means of communication and responding to her cries doesn't mean she will grow up spoiled. Really, Frenchguy shouldn't have any doubts about your parenting, after all look how great Louna turned out!

JO said...

Crying is good for babies to develop their lungs and vocal system. A little crying is ok, but not to the point of screaming.

You're doing a good job Ana.

tintin said...

I think I tried to let MIna cry it out about twice as in infant and then I couldnt' take it anymore and felt guilty afterward. During her transition to her crib, we did let her cry it out though. But it was a max of two min! haha.

I think it's strange that a country as economically sound, and a culture that's as rich as France would not know that bf-ing is the absolute best thing one can do for a baby. That confuses me. :/

Mitch said...

Super karelate relate itong post mo hahaha!

Malapit ko na din ibalik sa nanay nya! :p

sheilamarie said...

it is hard sometimes to be with someone who grew up with a different upbringing and culture.

there are occasions when the father says i'm spoiling him, when i think he's being too cold and harsh naman. it can get frustrating

Analyse said...

Christianne, exactly. I always use Louna as an example nga e.. ewan dun, sarap batukan minsan. he's stressing me out with his comments.

Jo, Kyla does that exercise every morning. see, i let her cry din naman.

Tintin, that's just my MIL. she's not really into breastfeeding, parang feel kong ngang bigyan ng BF book this xmas e, lol.

Mitch, tara, isauli na natin, lol.

Sheilamarie, frustrating, that is. glad somebody understands me ;). thanks for commenting.

Rhada said...

Sang-ayon sa matatanda sa Pilipinas, it's OK na hayaan umiyak ang bata kapag umaga/tanghali, dahil nakakatulong ito sa lungs. Huwag daw paiyakin sa gabi dahil nagkakaroon ng kabag (gas).

Heart of Rachel said...

I realized that a difference in upbringing can sometimes lead to challenges when it comes to making decisions for the family.

It's common for many Filipinos to co-sleep with their children. I understand that it's different in some cultures.

As for crying, I admit that I always picked up my son whenever he cried to soothe him. I just wanted to reassure him that there was nothing to worry about.

ann said...

Iba talaga ang culture natin, closer family ties.

May mga bata talagang iyakin pag baby pa, pero nagbabago rin naman as they grow older.

julie said...

Letting infants cry is not really helpful because they are still developing their trust in us, their parents and other caregivers. Plus we need to assure them that we are there and there is nothing to worry about.

But when they are a bot older, letting them cry it out is a better option especially when they just cry to get what they want. I do this with my children when they are a bit older.

imom said...

Mahirap talaga when cultural differences arise, no? There are those kinds of issues too between me and my Chinese hub. When I know I am right, I stand my ground and fight for it. It is always best of course to find some compromise.

On letting the baby cry - I wouldn't allow it for infants. I read somewhere that children who were left to cry for long periods during infancy feel less secure when they grow up. I don't know how accurate that study was (read it a long time ago when I was a new mom), but I somehow believed it.

Analyse said...

Rhada, yun nga ang sabi ko kay frenchguy e...

Rachel, yep, a challenge which is quite difficult to stand sometimes esp that im alone here, wala akong kakampi :(

Ann, yeah, few more months and everything will be forgotten.. in fact, Kyla's smiling and communicating more and more each day..

Julie, it all depends in the situation, moment, age, etc.. i think we all understand each other because we're moms from the same culture..

Imom, i've read the same article before too.. and even without that article, mother's instinct tells me not to let her cry, at least at this age..

mitch said...

for me sabi sa kin ng sage femme or mid wife in the hospital until 3 months it's ok to get our baby when they cry. but after that you should let them cry a bit. i am a bit lucky that laureen doesn't cry too much. she has periods when she cry a lot but not every day.

i also have the same problem with my mom in law buti ka pa darating mom mo may kakampi ka ako wala

Analyse said...

hey, congratulations! so laureen's there na? wait, got to hop to your site.

mitch said...

yup a month early. right now i am mixing breast feeding and bottle feeding until she gains 3 kg. right now she weighs 2.6 kg 400 grams to go

geri said...

I started letting Evan cry it out when he was 7 months old when nothing else worked for him to fall asleep (we never co-slept) it lasted for like around 30 minutes for 3 nights. It was hard but I took comfort in the fact that my american SILs used this method and their kids are very well adjusted, malambing to their parents etc.

As for your breastfeeding, I am with you in wishing frenchguy will trust your judgment. It's not as if you want your baby to starve.

What Tom and I disagree on is that with him he doesn't want Evan to go outdoors for a walk or stroller this winter when Evan has coughs and cold. My take is that as long as he is bundled up and has no fever it is healthier for him since we don't stay out more 30 minutes anyway.

Although there were quite a few instances that my husband's judgments were right (he's the more cautious one) I intend to stick to my guns on the winter outdoor situation.

But your is more difficult and trickier cause your in-laws are vocal about their suggestions. Wear a sign around your neck na lang "unsolicited advice not welcome" :)

Francesca said...

As a mother, your way is the best, donot listen to do gooders.

I hate babies cry too long also.
They are fragile, cannot speak, its us adults to understand what they need. And usually, its the assurance, a cuddle, that mommy is around.

I still cant accept french culture.
Its too far from ours;

raqgold said...

you would know what's best for your kids.. minsan paiyakin minsan hindi, your decision not theirs :)

lovelyn said...

Whooah, sinabi na nilang lahat sa taas!

I've never yet encountered a discipline book that agrees with letting an infant cry so as not to spoil him/her.

Basta ako, co-sleeping, breasfeeding/bonding, dependency etc... I'm taking advantage of it! These are just few years to enjoy while it lasts .Compare and count their grown up years having us, parents, "out of the picture". Paglaki na nila, iba na! These never ceases to shut my husband off when he doubts my parenting skills.