Posted by Analyse at 6:10 PM

Wednesday, February 14, 2007

What seems to be so natural for us could be completely absurd to other culture. Co-sleeping is one of them. Some would chose not to co-sleep with their children but never would they incite other parents to do the same. I still remember our supersize green mosquito net for the whole family (of six children). It was the haven of pleasant childhood memories - the joy of playing with my siblings before bedtime, the race to get the best place beside my mom, the big fat mosquitoes in the morning that we had to capture one by one, and so on.

And that doesn't end after childhood. The last time I was in the Philippines, the whole family (after the departure of Frenchguy) occupied one room out of four. Syempre pa, we couldn't resist to midnight kwentuhan, asaran and tawanan.

But here, I had a first hand experience of total refuse. First, it was at the maternity clinic. The nurses wanted to take Louna from me for our first night of finally being together. Their reason was for me to take a rest after a tiring labor (I gave birth at 3pm) and for Louna to feel the separation. I found the 2nd reason too brutal so I persisted that I wanted her in my room for the night. And anyway, there was no way I'd leave my newly-born child sleep somewhere else but beside me. They said ok but Louna had to stay in her crib, just near the door so she won't see me and smell my odor. What a way to reject a child on her first day in this cruel world. So I said ok just to finish the discussion but I actually slept with her. In fact, I was probably branded as a bad Mom when I left the clinic. E ano ngayon?

Then came my inlaws. Dangerous. Ridiculous. Destabilizing. Confusing. For them, those were the words to describe co-sleeping.

Last month, Louna was very ill. High fever followed by vomiting so I had to co-sleep with her while Frenchguy slept on the floor. When my inlaws knew about it, they laughed and found the act ridiculous. They even adviced that it has to be the other way around, Louna on the floor, Frenchguy on bed. Ridiculous. That time, I hated them 100%.

The ordeal of co-sleeping. I'm glad Frenchguy willingly discovered the joy of co-sleeping that I sometimes find Louna on our bed even on weekdays. Love it. Happy heart's day Frenchguy!

Note: We only co-sleep with Louna on weekends as I have sleeping difficulties. It's the best balance we found and I swear, everybody's excited every weekend.


nao said...

hay naku ganyan talaga mga inlaws (most of the time!) mga pakialamera, kainis daba? buti naman si papafrench nakikinig sa kanyang kumander in chief. At buti naman bading nahimasmasan ka narin sa pagsabon sa kanya nung isang araw about your baby car, ahihi.

Sa Pilipinas, ini encourage ang "bonding" between the mom & her newborn. Dito rin sa Toronto. Si Kyle nilagay on top of me kahit naghihingalo pa ko after my pag-iri moments. Nakadagan kagad si bugoy. Hanggang kinabukasan na yon, though may crib siya andun si Richard nakamasid and nag-aalaga.

Iba talaga ang kagandahan ng kinalakihan nating tradisyon. And to think, we're not even sending our seniors to nursing homes. We keep them with us as much as possible and take care of them.. ang mga baby pa kaya? Bebe Louna is so lucky to have a mommy Ana talagang talaga. Sige bading, pag may katwiran.. ipaglaban mo. At dedmahin ang mga simangot at walang katoryatoryang theory ng mga inlaws na yan.

and hey.. HAPPY V'DAY bakla!

Lucille said...

Happy Valentines Day!!!

similar to me when i gave birth to my 2 ducklings, gusto ko katabi ang baby while i was still in the clinic, and i did'nt understand why my inlaws really disagree of that, they really insisted that my baby should be in the crib sleeping not beside me. That time i hated them too!
Kids are so so happy everytime we sleep with them. Every morning, before hubby left to work, he put the kids beside me in our bed.

Leah said...

The kids grow up so fast, I treasure each time my daughter is beside me. It is quite hard to sleep with litlle ones coz they tend to take up the whole bed. Nonetheless, always a delight when I wake up beside her. Bonding indeed!

mrs14 said...

my frechcharming was so against too on co-sleeping. pinagdusahan niya i-renovate ang kwarto ng bebe dapat gamitin. eh di gamitin...but then lumaki si bebe, ayaw na ng crib, so lipat sa kama. eh ayaw magsolo..pahirapan patulugin. so in the end, we are co-sleeping on her bed or our bed. mas gusto ko yun and frenchcharming wholeheartedly agrees now that it is great for bonding. as for the in-laws, pakialam nila. they question it before, but in time they learned to better to zip their mouths or else they won't see their grandchild that often. :-)

Rhada said...

I like co-sleeping, I feel more secure when the kids are beside me, especially when my hubby was deployed. Pero now that he's back, lipat muna sa kanya-kanyang kama ang mga tsikiting ;-) hehe.

Francesca said...

Hay naku sa france ganun nga, may sariling room kaagad ang bata pag dating sa bahay, para daw independent, then lagyan lang ng gadget na if umatungal sa gabi, yung nanay from another room will hear the atungals!
para ngang brutal, kasi tayong mga pinoy, close family.
Pero may reason ang france culture kaya ganun. To make independence sa kids, privacy also to parents.
Mind you, mga employers ko nga,(with butler and present) super duper independent, kanya kanya sila bedroom, i wonder tuloy, how do they meet when they need badaboom, lol
one would cross the other room siguro when the need arises, haha.
Shh, no tell my boss... Hahaha!

analyse said...

Nao, in one way, im glad they dont keep their seniors with them, ayaw ko ngang kasama inlaws ko dito sa dijon hehehe.

aba, kelangang makinig sa kin si frenchguy no.. ang galing ko kayang mang deadma pag galit ako hahaha..

Lucille, im not alone hehe. their reason was, baka daw madaganan namin, sus, ang laki kaya ni louna at ang lakas tumili, kung di ba naman kami magising pag nadaganan namin..

Leah, yep, they grow up so fast.. now that she accepts to sleep with us, i want to take advantage.. paglaki nyan, aayawan na nya for sure..

Mrs14, nice tactic hehe..

Rhada, no co-sleeping on valentine's day hehehe..

Francesca, me toys pa nga where you could register your voice and the toy will do the talking for you. you could save some music so it could sing lullaby too... that one, i will never buy, ever!

that separate room policy dates back from ages pa, look at all the castles here, they have separate rooms for kings and queens.

haze said...

Hhhhmm I can relate on this one ! I don't understand them either ! Doctors and nurses should know better than we do di ba! They should not deprive us from our rights to see our babies! Babies doesn't understand yet but the first thing they develop since birth is the sense of feeling! They need mother's touch!

When I had Basti and Mayumi they've slept with me co'z they asked me if it's ok with me. And I said I prefer that they will sleep beside me since I will breastfeed them!

At home they've slept with us until the age of 1 & 1/2 y.o. ! Not bad at all di ba ! French hubby was ok with it ! In the middle of the night if they wake up, I just go to their room and sleep with them :) !

Wag mo ng intindihin sila PIL ! Hindi porke nasa bansa nila tayo yung culture nila ang i- a- adapt natin you are mixed couple with different cultures and you should adapt both culture! You should do what you want for Louna ! Bon courage An:) !


Kaya nga sabi sa akin ni Hubby hindi nya pinagarap na mag asawa ng pranse!

dangkin said...

hopefully this time, matuto naman ang mga matatanda dyan ng importance ng word na "bonding".. he.he.he.

'bet you had a love-filled valentine! :)

KK said...

Belated Happy Valentines!

I co-slept with Little K in a different bed sometimes. I can't sleep well when I am so concious of squishing her. So she slept in her crib then rejected the crib before 2 years old. We had to buy her own bed.

Letting Louna sleep in her own crib builds up her sense of independence.

analyse said...

Haze, o di ba, ang kulit ng mga doctor dito.. and the PIL, they have to accept that I have a different culture .. they must have seen me change since the birth of louna, taray ko kasi minsan esp when it comes to the subject of Louna... from breastfeeding, to language to be used, to co-sleeping atbp hehe.. anak ko kaya yan, ako masusunod no.

Dangkin, they have a different kind of bonding here.. i don't really appreciate..

KK, Louna sleeps in her bed 5x/week.. so i consider weekends as bonding time for the family ;)

myla said...

Ay naku! The western way of raising kids is really so different from how we do things back home. I really enjoy all your blog entries. Like you, I am also married to a Frenchie and have two half-Pinay and half-French kids. Though we are only n France 2-3 months out of the year (the rest is in the NYC area), I get a kick out of your views on French living. Looking forward to reading more! Sige...

Jovs said...

Co-sleeping... it's the first time that I've heard of such term! Ang pormal. =p

Louna will have the best of both worlds - Filipino and French, buti na lang! Iba talaga ang warmth ng Filipino culture.

By the way, does she form sentences now? :-) In French, English, or Tagalog?

chase said...

Well I dunno since I am more inclined to the Western world being that I was raised that way as well.

But co-sleeping sounds like a nice idea. Still have to consult with my partner about it once we have our own babies... hehehhe

ann said...

Buti na lang pinoy din hubby ko kaya walang problema sa ganyan. Last year nga lang nahiwalay sa amin si Josh pero hindi pa yun bukal sa loob ko...hahaha!

Pansin ko rin dito yung ibang westerns, they go on a 3 day vacation without their kids, naiiwan sa baby sitter. Hindi yata ako mag eenjoy habang naiisip ko ang mga kids na nasa bahay.

analyse said...

Myla, hello there and welcome to my hideaway. thanks for appreciating my entries, hope i could access to your blog too..plsssssssssss.

Jovs, she starts to babble papa and mama.. and a lot more stuffs, they sound chinese to me tho hehe..

Chase, go for co-sleeping, you won't regret it. ;)

Ann, uso nga sa kanila yun, to have a time for their own. I was actually asked by frenchguy to have a vacation without louna when we were in the philippines.. my answer was of course, NO! di rin lang ako mapakali pag di ko sya nakikita, and i doubt it if we would have really enjoyed the getaway without our little angel.

kat said... hospitals here, they encourage mom to bond with the baby ASAP, but they only let the baby sleep in the room in his/her own crib. besides, the bed is only a twin and it would be too difficult for the baby to sleep in it. otherwise, you can have the baby in your room 24/7.

but co-sleeping here is becoming more acceptable. there are even special beds for the infant, etc. but a lot of doctors say no to it b/c of the fear of suffocating your baby, etc. but we co-slept with rockstar baby for a couple of months and it was fine! we would continue to do it but now, he's such a freaking kicker and hogs space!

myla said...

I actually have not started a blog yet...believe it or not. Planning to do one soon...I'll keep you posted! A la prochaine..o, sige!

Linnor said...

I'm glad you still held your ground... In Pinas, they even encourage rooming-in of newborn with mom.


duke said...

In the Philippines, we normally co-sleep with our parents until ( gasps!) pre-teen years! It's practical esp if you don't have enough rooms in the house and at the same time fun! I just don't know if parents feel the same way.

I guess different strokes for different folks. I'm glad you got to show your husband the importance of co-sleeping :)

Heart of Rachel said...

Cultures can be so different. Here, many hospitals are "mother-baby friendly". It's a term they use nowadays. The newborn baby stays with the mom (in the room) as soon as the baby is delivered. Unlike before, when babies had to stay at the nursery.

My husband and I still co-sleep with our 3 yr-old son. We only have a queen sized bed and it's getting crowded. he!he! We're thinking of getting his own bed soon to slowly get him accustomed to the idea of moving to his own room later on.